Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
This is where I always want to be. Whether it be alone or in company. I always want to be
here. Not on this blanket on the grass at the park but in this pleasantly content mental
space. Where the time is slow and the air is clear and my mind is at ease.
To be completely comfortable by myself and in my own skin-this is what life is all about.
To do exactly what you want to do when you want to do it whether anyone tags along or
not. I've been wanting to do this for so long and finally Matt is here from Seattle so that
brought me to do this. He's not even here. I drove all the way to Detroit Street even
though his phone died. I figured I could just ring the doorbell, which happened to be
broken. I'm just letting life happen. I'm watching the people walking and running with
strollers, bikes, dogs, with each other and alone. This is what life is all about. Just being.
Friday, November 19, 2010
So, I don't have a boyfriend or fiance or husband. I don't have a shit load of money. I don't have an amazing career. I don't own a house, or even rent one. I don't drive a cool and expensive car.
I have some money, I have an amazing family and awesome friends. My Honda kicks ass and there are far worse things than living with my parents. I have found happiness not because of the crap that I have but because of the appreciation I have for the world around me, and the people in my life.
Someone may be extremely successful, with all the money in the world, cars and a marriage and still be miserable. I don't have any of those things and I'm happy. I'm just happy to be alive. I'm just stoked to have two legs and two arms and my vision and my hearing. I'm so damn lucky that it's hard to NOT be happy. I think appreciation makes people happy, along with learning to love yourself. There is so many amazing beautiful things and sites to see in this world. There is so much great music, literature, film and art in the world. The world is an amazing thing and life is something so sacred that it is foolish not to love it. Life could be worse. Life is worse for many unfortunate people. We must make do with what we have. Life truly is what you make it. If you make it out to be a piece of shit worthless life, then you're a worthless piece of shit. If you make life out to be worth while and something truly beautiful, then you are a beautiful and valuable human being.
I could never be happy getting married. I could never be happy after having a crap load of money. I could never be happy once I get my dream job. I have to be happy first. I have to be happy in order to fall in love with someone. I have to be happy so that I can get my dream job. Happiness come first.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
every time I drive by that crappy motel we stayed in when we were too drunk
to drive home. We stripped ourselves of all our fears and jumped naked on the bed.
We snacked on each other like sunflower seeds. You always did love those things.
You had some kind of obsession with salt. You always licked the tears off my face.
If anything became too salty, we always smiled through it all. Between our long drives
in your beat up truck and racing barefoot to the beach, there was never a moment
that wasn't exciting. Never a time when we weren't beaming. Our events of connection
play over and over in my head like a movie. I play it in slow motion to make it last
longer. I could spend a full twenty-four hour day with you and it still wouldn't be
enough. Time escaped out the windows we rolled down to let the wind in. That wind
carried us to the rose garden where you picked seventy-six roses to represent each day
we were together. It carried us to the ferris wheel on the pier where we laughed so hard
we cried. I could write a list. I remember it all. You kissed me. Good-bye. I was left
and you were leaving. We never said we were sad.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
-Narrator, 500 Days of Summer
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Giving peace another chance. Illuminated
greens and purples reflecting from bright
eyes, changing the colors of the trees.
Everyone is free. Not to rebel, to be true.
No negative words, only positive verbs.
Happening hugs. Beats progressing from
every direction, difficult to identify. Just
being content with the music and through
the music. Prescribing moods and creating
smiles. Trading a woven bracelet for a lovely
feather with a precious woman named Kitty.
Promising embraces and locked in pupils
connecting. No words needed, only acceptance.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
I have been meaning to blog for many reasons and have nothing but jumbled up words and songs and images. My adventures have been of amazement and beauty and I am not looking forward to going back to work.
I do know for sure that this has been on my mind for the past 3 weeks.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
With a quiet smile and a hidden roll of the eyes,
she made up her mind about her morning.
Wanting affection, she only received distance
and detachment. It was time to leave.
She seemed happy even though her brain
was loudly cursing. Her feelings, fake.
Wanting to hide in the goodness, pretending
everything was perfect. Ignoring that it wasn't.
He was so close, but she couldn't feel him.
Feverishly fighting for fruitful fondness.
She just wanted to keep falling. She felt
the need to keep pushing. She couldn't pull
the strings. She couldn't even reach them.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
"A man, no matter how messy he is, I mean even if he some straight-up basket case, can always get some good woman, two or three for that matter, to go for his shit. Right? But a woman? If her shit ain't together, she can forget it unless she very lucky and got a Great Ma Drew working roots. If she halfway together and very cold-blooded, then maybe she can snatch some sucker and bump his head. But if she got her johnson together, is fine in her do, superbad in her work, and terrible, terrible extra plus with her woman thing, well . . . she'll just bop along the waves forever with nobody to catch her up, cause her thing is so tough, and it's so crystal clear she ain't goin for bullshit, that can't no man pump up his boyish heart good enough to come deal with her one on one." -172
Monday, June 21, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I've been looking forward to a break and a chance to get out of the South Bay. My small vacation of two days in Palm Springs has not quite begun. I have been in this car for three and a half hours. I was right on time and even got some things done around the house before I left. It started to rain right before I left the house and has been off and on. The ninety-one freeway had some pretty bad traffic and finally cleared after about forty-five minutes. I received a text message from my boss demanding if I did or did not have a shot during my shift on Saturday night. While focusing more on responding to his text than the road, I made a sudden decision to take the sixty. I NEVER take the sixty freeway. I figured it was no big deal since I could just take it to the ten. I was thinking it would be fun because it goes through the mountains. Well I got smacked in the face with traffic. I have been sitting here for a little over an hour. No one is moving. We have not moved an inch in more than sixty minutes. The only time we did move was OFF THE ROAD as much as we could to give the fire truck and ambulance room to get through on this two lane highway to the accident up in front. A fireman in his full garb guided me until the bumper of my car was literally touching the side of the mountain. People are walking around, talking on phones, walking up and down the road to see what is happening. "I say we just keep walking until we hit Palm Springs," A cute red headed kid just said to his friend followed by chuckles walking past my car. They are dressed for a nice hot day by the pool in their tennis shoes and plaid shorts. Too bad it's friggin raining. A man climbed up on the top of a small mountain on the side of the road to get a better view. Parents are taking their kids up to see what all the fuss is about. Two young men walked by, one holding a camera pointing at the other one walking backwards while the other young man was walking toward him. I smiled immediately when I heard the young man flowing his lyrics. These boys thought this was a great opportunity for a music video. I appreciated their creativity that stemmed from this ridiculous mess.
While I am a little irritated, this is still better than working surrounded by drunk people pulling at me and ignoring me. I am able to catch up on reading anyway so it's kind of relaxing. It is quite interesting seeing the different ways people deal with a situation like this. It reminds me of waiting for the ferry to board cars in Vancouver, B.C. to take us to Vancouver Island. The only difference is I don't have my traveling buddy Luna with me. I've been eating all my Easter candy, craving a cigarette, reading the paper, listening to Dr. Laurie on KFWB talk radio and typing on my computer. My phone is almost dead and my parents are mad at me for taking the sixty highway. I wonder how long it will take but at least I have plenty of things to keep me occupied in my car. I still want a cigarette. People are running back to their cars and starting their engines. My vacation awaits.